Took the car out for a long drive to Pampanga to finally visit Alexis. Armed with vague instructions (and Firefox in offline mode), I actually had no problem finding the place. It was a small cemetery, and I found their family vault (the largest in the area) emblazoned with “Tioseco – Pamintuan”.
It took me a while to confirm that it was the right one, since I couldn’t find his name plate. I always replayed in my head what it would be like to see it – but this time it was going to be for real. My heart always thought about the vagueness of its loss, about the disconnect of my reality, of my distance. And here I was, two hours away from the city, no further away from my friend than I had ever wished to be. Then I saw a little prayer card, tucked into the corner of a picture frame.
I stood under the sun for awhile, my head against the dusty black gate, trying to transform my grief into some form of acceptance. That I wished the universe to always give us the strength to overcome our losses, and the gift to love the world to whom we truly belong.
Eggy, I miss you terribly.