if i had to take serious dibs on a hobby, i’d have to say collecting friends. that would make such an invaluable resource, a natural springboard into other alien things. its like having one wish, and you’d wish for more wishes. if i had a hobby, i’d collect friends so i can be inspired by the things they do as well. anyway what led me to jot this down is that a lot of times i have a specific question floating in my mind that can’t be answered by a search engine, and there’s a need for me to converse with someone who can fill in the gaps.
although i must say i already do have a diverse set (i mean, look at you. you’re weird), for some reason i always feel like its never enough. i want to look at my friends list, my phonebook, and have an inherent search engine waiting at my fingertips. everyone’s their own expert for their own quirk. not mere machines, but breathing, thinking souls like mine. pardon the rant, i gotta shape up on my writing. fleeting at best, it doesn’t help that my thoughts are hardly even cohesive.
and i’d like to share a few apt parting words from mikko the happy birthday boy: “the whole world conspired for that trip. everyone else will have their own great experience to share. you had yours, share it!” i’m a whore like that. lets share each other’s experiences. happy birthday, brah. :)
disturbing. i had just awoken from a vivid dream, involving lots of cockroaches in a frying pan. after awhile, they started to plump up and miraculously transform into juicy orange shrimp, succulently swimming in oil and frying into a golden crisp. what does this mean? ugh.
unedited, sans resizing. took it an hour ago, i’m hoppy with it. quite unexpected, these things.
listening to BC’s first album. its giving me flashbacks of my freshman year, having to go through the living hell of a long distance relationship. this disc accompanied me through many lonely nights aplenty, next only to DMB’s lillywhite sessions. my, my. those were the days. when will i fall like that again? take your time love, i’m just waiting.
i guess one of the reasons why i’m still unemployed is my exposure to an inane amount of uninspiring moments. i sit here at home staring at a pale lcd, randomly drifting about trying to fill in the voids of an attention span found under the water.
i need to get busy. last night i thought of a new project, involving the construction of a night-light based on the waxen beer glasses i scored in deutscheland. i’ll see how that goes. this site, as usual, is an on-going project in the making.
i’m glad andre stayed for a couple of days this week. he gave me a much needed reality check, and unknowingly made me face a direction that has been fogged out of view by my delaying tactics of recent months. i’ve never been as comfortable with anyone else in discussing nerd fart such as finance and accounting. we all have our own quirks, and i’ve known this guy long enough to realize that he knows what he’s talking about. he shoots the shit straight to you, with no pretensions. it’s people like him who make me realize that i want to work, and really work for something aside from just going through the actions.. i feel like we could own the world, if we wanted to.
a random jellybean stuck in the gears; here’s a concrete reason why i haven’t found a job yet. i’m studying for the funk exam (743k).
show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me scream she said. the one that makes me laugh she said, and threw her arms around my head.. show me how you do it, and i’ll promise you, i’ll promise that i’ll run away with you..
if you found yourself singing along while reading it, well.. cool. :) i just felt like sharing the moment.
san diego sure is crazy. i had three girls on an explorer give me the finger simultaneously. what a weekend! whew.
my knees just get really weak for japanese girls. when they’re pretty, they’re just.. my poison pill. it didn’t help that i was wearing my japanese green tea shirt, i just couldn’t muster enough balls up to strike a conversation. can i spell loser on my forehead? a million stolen glances was all i could give her. she had a boyfriend, and i made it a convenient excuse to shy away like a little lost boy. her having a boyfriend made a perfect smoke screen for my non-existent social skills.
then again, the question arises, whether i would’ve done anything had the boyfriend not been there. i can always argue that i’ll never know cos thats not the case, but its always a legitimate concern.
on top of that, this underage girl made a pun about my ‘height’ outside the bar we were at. i guess she was surprised cos i look 12. spell bitter? screw you bitch, at least i’m not a loser who can’t get into bars. what i lack in height, i make up in length… my charm goes a long way :”> at least i’m not stupid like you.
nothing’s in vain though. i met this amazing girl who’s gung-ho about her music, and i now have a lead to my goal of finding a band. if you can’t find love in women, screw it, i’ll always find it in music. :)
the weirdest thing happened. i watched waking life, but had to stop in the middle cos i fell into a deep slumber. i was passed out the rest of the afternoon and had the most vivid dreams, which i don’t remember aside from knowing that i was dreaming at those moments. weird that i passed out like that, considering how late i wokeup and how upside down my clock as turned.
before the movie…
sister: you drank beer?
me: no, why?
sister: there’s an empty bottle here on the sink.
me: oh, i threw it outside.
sister: what? why?
me: it’s my friend’s birthday.. deutsche.
sister: you know what, i was cleaning out my old wallet a few days ago, and i saw his name and number on a piece of paper. i stopped for a second, and thought about him.. maybe its a way for him to remind us.. awww deutsche. :c
happy birthday, brah. we miss you man.
h: I MUST STAY SINGLE
h: even if i have a little heart aching to be loved
ain’t life grand?
i feel like there’s something wrong. these recurring moments of wanting a vacation from my life are becoming too frequent. maybe its the blue light creeping through the shutters reminding me its early daylight outside. maybe its the half-baked resume thats sleeping idlly on my laptop. maybe its the room in shambles, or the fact that i can’t write a decent song nor sing for shit. maybe they’re reasons unknown.
i feel like i haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time. i’m guessing it trancends physical exhaustion, and has something to do with my general unpacified want for something to fire me up. i have these goals in mind, but therein lies the problem, that they’re only in my mind gathering dust. as for my hands, they clickety clack wildy on the keyboard typing comical nonsense and what not. i play the guitar, but it all starts to sound the same the longer i keep trying. everything starts to condense into one imperceptible haze, the longer i let the silence of my life run through. everything starts to.. disappear.
i need something, someone, to inspire me. can i find it inside? can i find it outside? … can i find it at all?
sometimes i wonder which is worse: going to sleep and never waking back up, or being awake forever. does being awake mean you’ll never dream again? does dreaming forever mean that your dreams will never really come true? sometimes, i wonder.
here and there, i would randomly remember naz and patricia and chuckle to myself at their antics. and then i would remember genie, how i used to wake her up every sunday afternoon to do our weekly round of kamuning to get textiles and have cheap bad-ass outfits made. while i ended up with a polo that would make me look like a maid, she ended up with the coolest pair of pants. score, yo. honestly, i wish she were my sister or my neighbor. she has totally no clue how absolutely lovely i think she is. she inspires me. i cut my hair because of her! man, i hate it when i miss newly found friends.
the only thing that keeps me from looking back and scratching my head on why i left, is knowing that this year can only be as mystery-filled as the one that came before it. i wonder who else is waiting around that corner?
(and no, not the transvestites hanging outside the corner of my house in manila. hahaha! sagwa!)
you know its a great birthday when you find yourself sharing a blanket on a swing with your best friend watching the sunrise, polishing off the last bottle of corona from an amazing party. aptly, the phenomenon of sharing a new sunset with an old friend just gives me more reason to believe that there is a god, and boy, did he show me! for all the tricks that you have up your sleeve, high five!
i love my mother by the way. she is a superhero. it’s not everyday that you come across an amazing woman like her. :”>
hey you! it’s a lovine holiday! come give me a kiss. :”>
six hours of chess cannot be good for anybody. been battling it out with my cousin since 2am, and ended a few minutes ago at 8am.. i hope i don’t dream about it later on. it was good cos i don’t think the both of us knew what we were really doing. man, my mind is in a trip. the whole time, we were listening to this radio station on i-tunes called boombastic radio classified under urban. swak!
man, i don’t want to get any older.. :c..