Monthly Archives: August 2006

there was a fatal car crash this morning outside the community. the car wrapped itself around a tree. i wanted to take pictures and drove around it, but the area was already secured by cops and the community guard before i could get a chance.

the world doesn’t really end, until you’re dead.

when you’re dead literally, or figuratively.

but the latter is probably more accurate.

i’m counting my blessings. :) life is good, even if the days suck. it’s all we have, after all.

i was only scheduled for a late dinner and a few beers with some friends. we ended up in a random bar somewhere in hollywood called tiny’s, which is supposedly known for their hamburgers, which weren’t bad but i thought they were a tad pricey since i felt like we were in silver lake than it did hollywood.

so we were all walking back to the car along cahuenga when we pass this joint called hotel cafe, where there was some live music playing. it piqued my interest for a few moments, but held on all the way to the car and decided it was worth it to head back and check it out against a looming feeling that the tuesday night was ending.

and i was really glad i did. it was a trio on stage, fronted by a guy called chris stills. it felt like a spattering of jamie cullum and jeff buckley. amazing tone on the guy’s voice, and the songs were melodic yet tight and held really well together. everyone else took off but i stayed on, since i really don’t mind being alone, especially when it’s good music.

i live off these spur of the moment random discoveries. it’s one thing to know what you’re looking for, but it’s another when it’s totally unexpected.

two straight nights at the greek theater. it’s my first time to see shows out there, and i’m very fond of the venue since it’s not very big and somehow retains an intimate feel to it despite being an open air theater.

last night’s ben harper was fantastic, as usual. he’s a definite must-see on my list. i had the right words to describe it during several occasions that my coworkers didn’t know who he was, but i’m too sleepy to elaborate.

i almost thought i wouldn’t make it to tonight’s death cab for cutie show (which was really good), since i spent a good portion of the morning roiling in bed over a sudden case of the stomach flu. i thought the tummy ache would go away when i hid under the covers last night, but i found myself very very sick at 5am and the hours thereafter. good thing i’m a bit better.

i have a meeting for work tomorrow to discuss my goals for the year. if they gave me a week off work, with no access to civilised amenities then i’ll probably find the real answer for the coming year.

man, i really feel sapped out. i need an internal vacation.

while the morning parking shuttle puttered along downtown los angeles district, i would grab inside my work bag to find my badge when i’d mistakenly wrap my fingers around a little edible treat instead. and these, i knew, came from her when i visited over the weekend. it was a powdered milk delicacy, sweet concoctions by themselves but such a surprise broke my morning face into a daring smile beside unsuspecting passer-bys.

there were always these small nooks and crannies she was able to hide in. there are other places that you’d expect people to come out from, and it’s cliche to say but the unexpected is pretty hard to ignore when everyone else is an expert at predictability. the irony sometimes, is that past decisions are peppered with moments when we knew the trouble we were getting into, but went ahead anyway.

the past lent me troubles of trying to find what i wanted when it wasn’t there, of carrots on sticks and half-hearted catfish. i guess i gave too much of myself, without really understanding what it meant. but now it’s enthralling to sit in the wet sandbox of what you know and what you don’t know. good boys might finish last, but the finish is a beautiful journey carefully taken a step at a time.

i want to get a haircut. faux-hawk, but that was three years ago. or grow it out. maybe a ‘fro? there’s a void of energy over my head, waiting for something, anything, to give it character.

sometimes it’s quite a shame that we look outside to find ourselves, but the burden lies in believing what we’ve chosen. and nobody can really say where the right places are, yet everyone seems to know all the wrong ones.

maybe what i really need to do is shut everything out and listen. to music. to the dancing pictures in my head. to the backpack of journalistic voyeur. to the buttons on my shirt. to the annoying voices in the back of my head. to the increasing comfort of silence that is starting to fill the void.

i’m sitting in a houston hotel room with the air conditioning shut off. it’s not that bad outside, really. the air conditioning makes the room a lot more humid than it should be.