Monthly Archives: August 2005

spilling cascades, yawning yesterday’s tomorrow, overlapping oblivion, incoherent innocence, unrequited goldfish.

i’m bored. until friday.

i need to use the backpack again…

i just pulled a 12 hour day, running on 3 hours of sleep. but my heartbeat is a flutter with the beatings of the butterflies in my stomach, and weariness is nowhere to be found… and i’m starting to get lost again… and i don’t think i’ll ever mind…

i have a feeling this weekend is going to come and go like the bat of an eyelash. my sister is getting married on saturday, and i’m totally stoked! we were at the wedding rehearsal this afternoon and the cathedral was sick. am staying up late preparing for a few knick knacks i’m supposed to be doing, and hopefully i don’t screw up for the small gig my other sister and i are doing.

and, i’ve got myself a date with my crush this weekend. life is good! <3

i need to get away from the tranquils of fabricated melancholy. up to what point does a crown royal on the rocks decide my mood for the better? even a room overflowing with artificial breasts and milky soft skin from vegas strippers can breed complacency of the senses. the dilution of your pain by designer drugs, the artificial social ills that compound themselves into your burdens, the eventual blindness brought by routine. cities are sometimes prefabricated, and to enjoy solely for what you can see and touch is as dangerous as feeding alka seltzer to the pidgeons.

i adore the isolation of travel, the ability of journeys to put you back where you belong by taking you out of it to begin with. i like getting out of routine. basking in the grandeur of the random. chance makes the situation ironically prefabricated to a degree of omnipotence.

unfortunately, these thought farts lead you to a dead end. thanks for wasting your time at lovine.com :)

i’m not sure if it’s the 5 cheese pizza i had for lunch, or the butterflies in my tummy that are wreaking havoc on my ability to process the dimensional reality of an office cube.

i have the garden state soundtrack to calm down the rivers, and beck’s new guero soundtrack for the road. my tummy can’t wait for the weekend!

i have a backlog of pictures that i’ve been meaning to post online, but haven’t gotten around to. this month is a hectic slew of weddings and bachelor parties. i was at vegas for two straight weekends, and haven’t exactly been winning any money. that’s not cool. that’s not hot. so now i’m devising a scheme to launder ill-gotten wealth from drug cartels of third world countries. what i’m pondering is whether i should be the transaction middle man skimming off margins, or vertically integrate and establish my drug network from the bottom up. higher stakes bring about higher gains, and for all these people engaging in dubious activities, i guess their souls do have a price that can be bought. it’s pretty vicious, what money can transform you into. thank goodness i’m a lowly IT consultant, with only dreams of filthy money laundering grandeur to mirror a starving mind trapped in a static body.

maybe i think too much when i’m commuting to work in the morning, and when i’m trudging back in the afternoon. well, hamster wheel, you’re only good up until the weekend starts rollin’. can’t wait to see you, plankton :)

okay here’s the deal. it’s 12:10am, pao was supposed to come over so we can pickup miko batchalian at LAX when he arrives at 12:40 (he’s flying in from NY) and drive straight out to vegas or the grand canyon or off to the moon. pao is coming from irvine, which is a good 50 mile hike and the 405 is shut down for some innane reason, and he’s driven well over 150+ miles today and we’re both freaking out cos he’s tired and i told him to pickup batch instead, and just sleep in the car while waiting for him since he’s a driver anyway HAHAHA.

i haven’t packed, the plans aren’t set, and everything is in disarray. and i’m laughing my ass off cos everything is just chaos. are we going to vegas? are we going to bryce canyon? we don’t have maps. we don’t have plans. we don’t have anything. smells like a classic misadventure. and this is stupid cos i’m blogging when i should be taking care of trip details.

miko batchalian, we gave up two hot dates this weekend for your constantine ass! gosh. <3

i am completely exhausted. but the beauty of my pain is in the choice that i’ve made to undertake it – to carry the burden each moment until the next, knowing that the only grace i have from falling is in the choice i’ve made to stand up longer, and push harder. i could always choose to cop out and vegetate in front of the telly like millions of other fat americans but there are times i’d rather not embody a statistic. i like basking in the grandeur of the moment, most especially when i’ve lost all remnants of strength and need to tap in my soul reservoir.. and most especially when the point is underlined by the fact that i have the option to quit. the choice, it seems, is what makes all the difference.

i feel good about this. you can dream as far as your heart can desire, but it’s in that choice to open yourself, in that choice to allow yourself to dream, that you can really reach the ends of the universe.

my mind is awander off to distant places. throwing pebbles onto friendly neighborhood windows, getting lost in puddles of strawberry ice cream, dancing to the rhythms of hippety skips and beats, losing all the care in the world to the company of our shadows..