Monthly Archives: July 2005

haven’t been writing as much lately. been awash with the daily nuances of routine, the growing credit card bill, the mound of unwashed dishes and laundry, the papers lying scattered throughout my room. so many things to accomplish, but i end up wasting my time online.

oh, the nice california weather – i just came from a short trip to houston where the humidity was ridiculously reminiscent of manila. work isn’t so bad, and the hamster wheel keeps on turning.

i spent most of the weekend serenading denise, and writing random snippets of music (beerhouse garden, getaway kids) on the 8-track i scored from craigslist, which is the best thing since sliced bread. unfortunately this is the horrible part about living in the united states. everyone’s being bred into a capitalist pig. make obscene amounts of money! buy, buy, buy! the horrid transformation of turning wants into needs, and the backing of the corporate machinery to perpetuate the cycle of consumerism. zero interest! no money down! buy now, pay later! objectify, quantify, b-u-y.

and it doesn’t help that i want to buy two new digital cameras, because for some reason that logic defies, i actually need it. there goes my paycheck – until next pay period, that is.

banana nutella crepe topped with vanilla ice cream. but the real highlight of the day was spending it with you. i wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. i love you denise! :)

i find myself in a mysterious space… a tesseract that glows faintly of past choices, the directions that we’ve chosen to live. its supposed to be simple, seeing how everything starts to fit together and paint the picture that you’re standing in. but the simplicity is mind boggling. pieces come and go, stay and change. a living breathing canvas pulled by your own strings, that paints itself and transforms with each whim and accord.

while i spend the quiet night pondering on the fabric of how i’ve played my cards, it strikes me that the most beautiful thing above the mystery of this space is being able to call it my own. and even better, is being given the chance to share it – and choosing to do so.

what i love about getting lost, is that sometimes i don’t really want to find my way back again. especially when i get lost in your embrace. hallo, i’m kat’s lovine :)

i had a complete physical done today. funny! so i was lying on the table, cords dangling all around me on tabs placed all over my chest for the ECG (electrocardiogram). i’m busy daydreaming, when the machine beside me starts churning out the results on paper. from a side view, i see the beats of my heart graphed on charts, and then slowly, some text starts to appear…

** B O R D E R L I N E A B N O R M A L **

and i’m like.. wait a minute.. what! the assistant just throws me a little smirk, and says oh don’t worry, that’s not final… uh, yeah lady. i was kinda excited, actually. i grabbed the report off the machine, and the summary reads: “borderline abnormal. possible hypercalcemia.” what in hell’s name is that?! do i have a hole in my heart that only jesus can heal? is my right ventricle flapping all over, like a meth addict in withdrawal? am i a small boy with an oversized heart bursting with goodness? okay i’ll stop. anyway, googling it when i got back home didn’t turn up anything serious and it’s probably just a fluke in the program. i’ll find out results next week, it’s nothing to be worried about since that report was machine generated without analysis.

and i’m pretty borderline abnormal anyway, i didn’t need an ECG to tell me that. as long as my heart is still beating, i’ll be fine :) and boy, does it beat!

i’m getting tired. of a lot of things. maybe i do have issues, never really being content in the eye of normalcy. i want to change the layout of my room, change decor, change clothes, change this blog’s layout, change this site’s functionality. random random things, that tend to hover unnecessarily in my consciousness. i want to write songs, print pictures, take more steps forward. one day at a time i guess, for the little grasshopper.

it’s funny the big gamble we play, in not really knowing what exactly tomorrow brings. each day we plan tomorrows, for years on end but the actions we take can only really exist now. and then one day, that tomorrow will not come. the words unspoken, the dreams unknown, the stories untold are all forever lost. empty excuses, unfinished promises, everything that is too early to be forgotten, and too late to be undone. seize the day? seize your life. now. hey.. someone with a secret is calling. :)

the past two weeks are taking its toll. i don’t mind the drive, but the consistency of the commute is starting to wear me thin. tomorrow’s the last of the 100 mile a day commutes, thankfully. despite the setbacks which include the windowless basement office, i think i’ve substantially learned a lot from this engagement i was assigned to. ahh, the fresh grind of corporate machinery. i’d explain what i do, but i’d rather say i’m a ninja. i am one, really.

tomorrow morning i head out for a road trip straight after work. happy 4th of july little kids, don’t get into too much trouble! can’t wait to see the plankton :”>