Yearly Archives: 2004

.. and then there are days that i just don’t really care. :)

today marks the first day in a string of five that i haven’t consumed anything alcoholic. not to say that my soul is saved however; the closest semblance of intoxication today consisted of sleeping the whole day like a frikkin pig, and now i’m awake with a bad bad case of boredom. only a few more days separate me from the holy week vacation.. to unwind and vegetate further into an incomprehensible blurb. man, i’m bored. where is my sidekick? i need to be saved.

its a great night.

i went hardcore overtime, and left my office at 930pm. i’m “investing” time, trying to figure out a visual basic program that would virtually ELIMINATE my job. while doing monkey robotic labor this afternoon, i realized that this is really an insult to my intelligence, and the exact words that were flashing in my mind were “WHAT A WASTE OF HUMAN CAPITAL”. and so i stopped what i was doing, and opened roy’s visual basic book to search for answers. its taking awhile, but if i succeed, the project hires of tomorrow will forever love me. well, not really, but i’m just trying to save our dignity as people who should be spending time actually THINKING about more relevant stuff.

more relevant stuff, like elevator girl. and so on my way down, i’m reassessing the direction of my life. 930pm on my way down to the lobby. the elevator stops midway. and then someone comes in. YAY!

so we chitchat for awhile, and its funny because i see in her eyes that shes really really tired, and its not just the physical exhaustion, but there’s that spiritual uncertainty about what shes doing. i really wish she knew that i liked her. maybe someday i’ll let her know. we had an interesting conversation, and i’d really LOVE to sit down with her next time and nitpick her. *siigh*

afterwards, i had a couple of beers with my idol tiosex at big sky mind. and boy, did he give me a run for my money. my new motto: “are you paying attention?”

and here’s one for contention.. thats kinda off tangent: “you don’t make friends by making out with them.”

two cents?

days like these make me want to go back to the states.

i wish i were a magician (so i can make myself disappear). but if i knew what a magician knew, then it wouldn’t be magic anymore. so nevermind.

pictures from tali beach from last weekend and tagaytay are online! we had a splash! ok. corny. but its late at night, i’m tired, and i’m not in the mood to write anything extensively detailed. i just want to sleeeeep.

okay, so i’m nearing the end of my citibank contract and i need to make the small decisions that would eventually shape the bigger outcomes that lie waiting in the dark. i can’t tell if i’m excited, but there’s just this general uneasiness bubbling in my tummy. i wish i could just fart it out, but i think the butterflies are here to stay.

man, its getting really hot down here. it’s not even funny. its like you’re trapped in a bubble of hot air when you walk outside, and the heat isn’t even atmospheric. okay, i made that term up meaning that its not the normal kind of hot where it just blends with the general environment. now, whenever i step outside, i’m not aware of anything except for the heat. hassle.

okay man, i’m feeling really uninspired. i’ve hit that point where the lull of the moment manages to manifest itself even through the day, a sad extension of the negative energy that is always present when i grope around my bed to hit my phone’s snooze button. i just don’t want to wake up. i open my eyes, and i don’t feel like accomplishing anything for the day. man, i need to find something to fuel my fire. but what’s sad about it, is that i understand what’s causing my gloom.

the nerd in me is disappointed that i’ve been with citibank for a number of months, but i didn’t take it upon myself to learn as much as i could about it. i really want to join those random trainings for anything. learning new stuff is definitely precious, and sitting around doing repetitive things is not really condusive to my perception of the importance of the time i’m spending right now in my early 20’s. i want to absorb everything, but i’m just too goddamn lazy to actually raise my hand and tell myself HEY, what is going on?

actually, the big boss tasked me to write this simple but very very thorough paper. i’m pretty sure its some sort of gauge, but for some reason i’m really uncomfortable with it. i have the blocks i need to work with, but i’m disappointed with myself for having this generally apathetic front when inside, its really toiling and bubbling my insides out.

i can’t wait for this weekend. yep. but tomorrow’s always another day.

i caught a nasty cold last night, and now i’m packing kleenex sheets into neat little squares as i always do when i catch a sniffle. i hate it when one nostril clogs until you shift your body weight over to another side and then the other side clogs up. punyeta.

i had my bonding moment with sassy ass naz earlier today, and i probably caught him off guard with a few random sacks (!) of trivial information. i love that guy! :’)

later on i went to shangri-la alone because i have no friends and scoured the place to find something interesting to wear on my date friday with nikki.. i just need to dress to the 9’s because she’s just TOO adorable for me to come unprepared! unfortunately the only thing i ended up buying were two packs of travel kleenex; i eventually hopped on the next MRT to greenbelt where i heard there’s a preppie boy vest waiting to be bought at polo garage. of course it breaks my heart that the smallest size available is a medium, which is enough to fit two of me in, unless i had cup D man-boobs. and then i find this great pair of shorts upstairs, only to find them in 30’s. so i get back on the MRT empty handed where this random guy wearing a backpack on his tummy nonchalantly tries to rub my butt whilst pretending to hold his bag. or maybe he was trying to snatch my cell. either which way, please stop rubbing your hand on my butt, ok. it turns me on. JOKE! haha!

actually, yesterday i was back at papajeks because i couldn’t help myself. my friend mon had to acquiesce to the fact that theirs was close to gilligan’s sisig. tonight naman i ended up lounging at countryside, where they have the best barbecue. hear me squeal! oinkkk!

teka mahaba na to. oops.

i wasn’t amused when our internet at home konked out the whole weekend. but now that i’m set free of this technical glitch, let me get on with my rambling. over the weekend, one of my bosses had a quaint little wedding in the faraway hills of tagaytay. i’m glad i made the drive out alone, it paved way for a series of interesting twists and turns. and as always, the weekend came and went faster than the bat of an eyelash.

today i found out that two of my really sweet and kooky officemates will be ending this week, which made me really bummed out. with our position, contract expiry is the common denominator.. either you get hired (subject to availability) or you don’t. well anyway, they were two people that i could never really imagine the office without, and its a bucket of cold water over my head knowing that everyone really goes on with their lives regardless of whether or not they adhere to whatever box you put people and experiences in. no shit sherlock, the world is turning. there’s always that magical hole wherein random beautiful things come to an end. and whatever replaces it can be beautiful as well.. of course, like with everything else.. that’s only when you choose to see it that way. tomorrow we will celebrate with bottles of ice cold san miguel for the past, the future, and everything in between. yeah!

i just realized i get really cheesy and sentimental when i drink. i wanted to write about something but i forgot about it a few minutes after it spawned itself in the crevices of my brain, but mostly because the moment i thought about it, it dawned upon me how cheesy that thought was and so in a fit of self preservation i shunned it from the bud. maybe that’s a bad thing, but when the moment really matters, nothing will get in its way, i feel. wow that last sentence had a lot of commas. or maybe its just me. and maybe its just you. maybe.

manila is so annoyingly hot. its damn humid and gross. you step outside of the office and then you’re hit by a wall of warm suffocating air that clogs all your pores and makes you start sweating like a little hippo under the sun.. even without the sun out. i hate this weather, it makes me want to walk around with no shirt, but that won’t do anyone justice because i’m currently nursing a baby beer belly. but at least, as my friend says, there’s something to hold on to. i wish i had a sex pack. gotta start running soon!

dinner with anna and gladys was great. i needed something like that after a long shitty day.

despite the smolty weather (hey i made that word up just now.. cool beans), i still most definitely love it here because of three things. first is the food. how can you live without laing, kilawin, sisig, and everything? i’d die. second are the people. everyone’s so real. everyone’s such a colorful mix, but differences aside there’s something that ties everyone together. last is mixing food, people, and beer.. people know how to have a good time. not that other people don’t, but i’m just getting sentimental. i’m crossing my fingers for manila’s tomorrow, but that’s another story.

in the short span of time that we’re awake, we string together all these waking moments into an endless tapestry of colorful misadventures.. albeit at times it may seem monotonous simply because you’re stuck in the moment. but there are times that moment can be very defining. i think what’s wonderful about the whole thing is that we have so much to learn: not only from your experiences, but sharing them with others. needless to say, i’ve had an interesting night ranging from secrets uncovered to a girl humping the car i was driving for tonight. very interesting i must say, although i get uncomfortable when the topic of conversation is a material possession.. i just don’t want people to get the wrong impression.

all i really ever need is someone i can talk to, and share life. people with open doors, open minds, open souls. its a huge sea of people, but all you ever really need is a couple of beers and good conversation. :”>

my head is literally numb – i can’t feel the pounding in my head but i know its there. i was out drinking with citibankers last night.. one of them is getting married next week, and i met up with them after their bachelorette partay. there are moments that i’m really happy i am where i am.

and then there are those other moments. i’m bored with my life. i want someone to open me up, prod my insides, and rearrange the structures that make me stand up. i want to be shook up, turned upside down, and made to realize that i don’t really know what i thought i did.

well, maybe i’m just bored. or maybe i’m just lonely. maybe i need another drink, but that’s not gonna take me anywhere. i want to go someplace, i want to meet someone, i want to do something. i want to move… i want to exercise my life.

but you know what i really miss?

on those random afternoons that all classes are done, and the radio is pumping out curtis mayfield: if there’s a hell below, we’re all gonna go. j is cleaning the dishes, narcs is vacuuming, nick is polishing the tub and i’m scrubbing the toilet. there’s a fresh round of beer chilling in 3 fridges in our apartment, and a jumble of shoes mar one end of the room because its absolutely forbidden to wear shoes on our hawaiian carpets. its that moment of tranquility before a night of drinking.. right now, i am terribly missing leavey 4.